Certainly hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving with those they love.

Me – I am about turkeyed out.  It was just The Man and me, so I made a breast and got two legs for him.  The carcass fit perfectly into my 6-quart stock pot, so less than an hour after cleaning up the kitchen, I made a new mess.  Go figure.  I’ve eaten turkey sandwiches for every meal except breakfast since then.  Breakfast has been leftover pumpkin cake (grin).

Well, until this morning, when I finally hauled the upcoming recipe out for one last test before putting it here.  But let me fill you in before I get to that.

Our last day out at the haunted barn was October 31st – the first time we’ve ever been open on Halloween.  We had a good time, even though our traffic was slow, but we were tired when we finally shut down at 10 PM.  We went right back out the next morning and tore the place down so we didn’t have to look at it again for a while.  Unfortunately, with all the rain in October and the craptastic weather we had nearly every weekend, our incoming funds were…shall we say…not very incoming.  It was a very disappointing season.

It took me two full weeks to recover from this year’s barn – I really don’t know why.  I still tire easily but not as bad – I figure it’s getting better because I am eating healthier again.  So what do I do once I start feeling more normal?  Beat the hell out of myself again by attacking the disaster area that was my basement.  Certain people tend to just haul shit down the steps, put it down, and there it sits.  Do that for 6 months or so – add in the removal and replacement of certain scary effects and props – and it becomes hell.  The last two weekends have been spent trying to find the basement floor.  Yesterday afternoon, it finally started to look better – after 15 50-gallon garbage bags were removed along with umpteen million boxes (I finally got the nerve to go through Nana J’s stuff).  Today, it’s pretty much done.  Thank god.

I had no idea that there were 3 boxes of GF “graham” crackers and 2 bags of cream of rice down there.  I also found some other goodies I completely forgot I’d purchased.  Note to self – kill The Man if he doesn’t put shit away properly.  Period.

Anyhoo.  Christmas lights were put up outside this afternoon (now that we could find the crap), so now I can start concentrating on the main floor of the house – another not-as-bad-but-still-yukky disaster.  I need to clean the living room carpet so I can haul the tree up.

As I mentioned earlier, I pulled out the following recipe this morning to make sure I was happy with my final tweaks.  I also wanted something other than pumpkin cake for breakfast (yes, that will come too in time).

I love the way the house smells whenever I cook or bake with cinnamon.  I hopped around the kitchen before my allergy meds had even kicked in (a dangerous prospect) and hummed to The Gidge, who naturally lay right in my path.  I sipped on my daily chai tea latte as I patiently watched the oven door window for signs that my breakfast was ready.

Then I remembered that the damn things had to cool before I could ice them.  Well, hell.

In the morning, patience really isn’t my strong suit.  Usually I am hauling ass around the house, trying to get myself fed, the dog out to do her business, clothing that won’t make the eyes bleed, etc.  But today, for some reason, I just grinned and pulled out two of the leftover waffles from making my Thanksgiving dressing, tossed them in the toaster oven, dumped some boysenberry syrup on them, and sat down with Facebook (huh) while I waited.

I am very pleased with these.  They were worth the wait.

Cinnamon Scones

Adapted from a recipe in The Vault

1/3 cup brown rice flour

2/3 cup tapioca flour

1/3 cup millet flour

1/3 cup nut meal (I have used both hazelnut and almond)

1/3 cup arrowroot powder

2 tsp xanthan gum

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp kosher salt

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 cup butter

1 egg

3 tbsp brown sugar

1/3 cup buttermilk (regular milk works fine if you don’t have buttermilk or lemon juice to add to regular milk for the souring effect)

See below for topping ideas

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients.  Cut the butter into tablespoon-sized pieces and drop them into the bowl, then mix until the mixture becomes crumbly.

In a small bowl, combine the egg and buttermilk  Add this to the flour/butter mixture, then stir for about 2 minutes or until everything is well combined.

Now, the batter is pretty sticky, so here’s what I do (and it works).  Lay a piece (about a foot long or so) of waxed paper down on the counter and lightly spray it with cooking spray.  Pour the batter onto the waxed paper.  Lightly spray your hands (or perhaps a spatula or rubber scraper) and pat the dough into a circle that’s about 3/4″ thick.  Cut the circle of dough into 8 equal wedges.  Use a narrow spatula to lift each piece off the waxed paper and onto the prepared pan.

At this point, you need to decide what you want to do as a topping.  These are quite good plain, but I have a bit of a sweet tooth (NO! Really?) so I like to dress them up a bit.  One thing I’ve done is brush the tops with egg white, then sprinkle a mixture of 1 tbsp white sugar and about 1/4 tsp of cinnamon.  Or you can do what I did this time – keep reading…

Place the pan with the scones into the oven and allow them to bake for 12 minutes.  Remove from the oven and allow to cool.

If you didn’t go the plain route or do the sugar and cinnamon thing, here’s my other preference.  Simple powdered sugar icing, drizzled ever so lightly (or heavily depending on how shaky you are that day) across the tops of the cooled scones – 1/2 cup powdered sugar to about a tablespoon of water-whisk like crazy until smooth.  Add more water if you want a looser icing.  If you add too much water, add more sugar.  Add a bit of extract or cinnamon if you want, too.

I think I’m going to get me one, right now.  And maybe some hot chocolate, too.

I promise to get to another recipe soon (think cinnamon and scones), but for now…

This post was written two weeks ago, but at someone’s request, I held it until tonight.

Begin rant.

There is a small business I know that has struggled a bit the last few years but held its own until the economy hit the toilet last year.

Thanks to places like Walmart, Target, Best Buy, and other large stores that carry the same products this small business does – buying product in considerable volume, so they can pass “savings” onto the consumer – said small business lost some of their customer base.   This lost customer base, switching allegience to the box chains of the country in order to save a buck, would buy the reduced-cost product – which, I might add, is often low-end crap I wouldn’t give to an enemy – and happily go on their way.

How would this switch affect this particular small business owner?  We all know the saying, “You get what you pay for.”  In defense of the box chains, people can purchase items inexpensively because the stores are able to purchase their inventory based on a regional or countrywide chain’s needs.  Great.   Yes, you may pay more if you purchase a product through a small business, but you receive personal treatment, often a file is created for you for subsequent visits, and there may be a trained service department if something goes wrong.

People who purchased from the box chains instead of the small business then expected that the small business would be thrilled to service the low-end crap they bought elsewhere, which failed 30 seconds after the warranty expired.  Did the small business carry on and repair the low-end crap?  I’m not sure.  Did they have the right to refuse to service the low-end crap?  Absolutely.

Due to the stupendous economy, many people in the area are afraid or unwilling to buy medium ticket items like those sold by this small business.  Add them to the lost customer base.

The people who own this small business worked their way up from the absolute bottom of the ladder, under different owners, until they owned the business themselves.

I was raised to keep my money in the town where I live.  Buy local.  Buy American.  Sometimes, I know, this just isn’t going to work, depending on where you live.  But if more of us felt this way and spent our hard-earned cash this way, fewer small business owners would be taking it up the tailpipe right now.   They’re dropping like flies.

This particular small business failure hits extremely close to home, because it’s the business that my father dedicated 40 years of his life to.  This business employed my mother.  It used to employ my sister.  And it went under because we’re…well…cheap.

My father spends much of his free time with various local groups such as the Kiwanis Club, Eagles Club, the local business association, etc.  He’s involved.  For years he taught his trade at the local technical school on top of his long workdays so others could benefit from his knowledge.  He has worked hard all of his life…for nothing, now.  The community he gives so much to didn’t give back to him because his price was a little higher.  Well, gee whiz – he didn’t have a warehouse big enough to hold eleventy-billion appliances like the box chains.  And now an institution in the area, a fixture on Lake Michigan for over 70 years, is no more.  I am just sick.

Please, please, please, people – BUY LOCAL.  Buy from your neighbors, not some massive corporation that only cares about the bottom line.  Support your local economy and actually pay for what you buy.  The next small business to fail could belong to someone YOU love.

Now he’s looking for a job – if he retires, social security won’t pay him enough to live because he didn’t pay himself squat – he took care of his employees first and always.  My mother is looking for a job.  And the big bad bank that is owed a pittance, really, is hunting.

There are people out there with unpaid accounts with my father’s business, bounced checks, etc.  Because these accounts are unpaid (and a large dollar amount), it’s not looking good with what the creditors will do. Show some class, people – pay Greenwood’s the money you owe them so they can pay the credit line that allowed them to buy the appliances that are living in YOUR HOME, not theirs.

I wish there were some way for me to come up with the money to shut up this one specific creditor.  It’s a miniscule amount in the grand scheme of things, and what they intend to do to the store owners is ridiculous over such a small dollar amount.   And I have to say “wow” after googling said creditor and seeing how many people claim they’ve been victims of fraudulent practices by this creditor.

I can’t say I feel hate often, but for the last several weeks it’s been bubbling and brewing in me like a potion in a witch’s cauldron.  Lord help us all if it spews.  Good for you, Mr. Money Bags Banker – you’re not suffering like every other person in this country.  Be an asshole just because you can.  But remember what they say about reaping what you sow.

End Rant.

You guys sure know how to make a girl feel good.

I’ve had eleventy billion emails from various people, wondering where the heck I am, what the heck I’m doing, and most importantly, why I haven’t posted any recipes or snarky stories.  Well, I made a trip north to see the parental figures, sibling, sibling-in-law and ankle-biters, put together a graduation party for The Stepson, created a website for the Haunted Barn, and…

Oh, hell.  I might as well admit the truth.  There’s a new addiction in my life and it’s called Facebook.  Vampire Wars and Mafia Wars and Kidnapped and Pirates and YoVille and Sorority Life and Top Restaurant and Reign of Vampires and School of Magic and Roller Coaster Kingdom and Farkle and Castle Age and…and…and..and…  You get the idea.

(All you fellow Facebook addicts out there, look me up and send me a friend request.)

Sigh.

But in the midst of wasting every moment of my free time playing cheesy games and sending cheesier free gifts, I have been stockpiling.  Stockpiling recipes. And stockpiling fat on my hips because of the recipe stockpile.  Fortunately for you (but not so much for my hips), said recipe stockpile contains MUCH CHOCOLATE.  I know, I know – you just can’t believe that I would be cooking/baking with chocolate.  But hey, you learn something new every day, right?

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

Adapted from Nigela Lawson’s recipe

3/4  cup brown rice flour

1/2 cup tapioca flour

1/4 cup almond or hazelnut meal (been doing the hazelnut lately and really like it)

1/4 cup arrowroot starch

2 tsp xanthan gum

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

2 tbsp cocoa powder

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup chocolate chips

1 cup milk (I use skim)

1/3 cup canola oil

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

1 cup mashed ripe banana (about 2 medium)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Spray a muffin pan with cooking spray or line the cups with muffin papers.  Me personally, I go the spray route.

Combine the brown rice flour, tapioca flour, almond or hazelnut meal, xanthan gum, arrowroot starch, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa powder, sugar and chocolate chips in a medium bowl.  In a separate bowl, combine the milk, canola oil, egg, vanilla and banana, then pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients.  Stir with a sp0on until just mixed, then scoop the batter into the prepared pan.  Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of a muffin comes out clean.

This past February, you may recall, I did a quick update in my kitchen and dining room.  Laminate flooring, fresh paint, storage cabinets in the dining room, hard-plumbing of my portable dishwasher, new sink and faucet.  The kitchen was in a shambles for over three weeks that go-round.  I couldn’t do much cooking during the process because I had crap all over my counters.  Tools, shit from the cabinet underneath the kitchen sink, paint rollers – you name it, it was on the counters.

I knew it was going to be a royal pain to remove the existing Kohler ceramic sink.  It’s been there for 20-some-odd years, when the cabinets and countertops were replaced by the in-laws.  Also, knowing my father-in-law, it probably wasn’t installed “normal” LOL

Poor JR.  He’s the guy I hired to do the floor, dishwasher, sink and faucet.  He and his helper started working at pulling out that sink – finally going to get a pry bar out of his truck.  I was told to pray, because new countertops weren’t in the plan and I was rapidly running out of money.  Slowly but surely, the right side of the sink separated from its glue/caulk/cement/whatever and rose toward the ceiling.  The guys carefully chiseled at the adhesive as the sink went up.

I was sitting in the living room, reading or some such nonsense (all the kitchen and dining furniture was hanging out in the living room, so my entertainment options were extremely limited), when I heard…

<CRACK> “Oh, shit!”

I barreled into the kitchen, expecting to see half the countertop gone, if I were judging by the loudness of its complaint.

We were damn lucky.  As the last section of the sink lifted from the adhesive, it snapped a 2″ crack in the formica, right at the edge of the sink – and only the formica was damaged, believe it or not.  The substrate underneath was perfectly fine.  The new stainless steel sink and faucet were installed by a horrifed JR (I had to tell him to calm the hell down; it wasn’t that big a deal!) in short order.  He sealed the crack as best he could and I called it good.

Within a couple of weeks of the installation, I noticed that the sealant used on the crack was gone.  Go Figure – The Man thought it was extra caulk from around the sink and peeled it off. I knew I needed to do something before the wood underneath was damaged, and the more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to either replace the countertop or cover it with something.  Soon.  To carry us through, I glued the living hell of of the crack.

When I began the whole kitchen thing, I told myself I wouldn’t put anything in that I couldn’t live with for a long time.  I was only spending big money in the room once.  Ideally, I wanted granite countertops.  However, I just can’t suck it up when it comes to the pricing of slabs.  In fact, I sit here shuddering, just thinking about it.

The internet is a very good friend to me.  Every single problem we’ve had in this house that I have repaired, I was able to fix whatever it was because of researching the web.  It was the internet that brought me to the realization that I have a problem with gluten, then it showed me how to get tested…and of course, here we are.

Well, I don’t remember exactly what words I used to search, but I came up with several websites that talked about using granite tiles butted right up against each other – on top of a formica counter.

Holy Sweet Mother of God.  There was my answer.  My countertops, other than the new crack and a few scratches, were damn solid (the formica is installed on 2″ thick wood – and I don’t think it’s plywood, actually).  The cabinets below were handmade, according to my sister-in-law (which is why I kept them – can’t find that kind of stuff around any more without a hefty price tag).

So, hell yeah- granite tile it is.

When we received the farm rental check at the beginning of May, I already had a plan of action (after an assload of research on the web, of course).  I ended up purchasing the tiles from Bedrock Creations, because the tiles come bullnosed.  All I had to do was cut shit to fit (which was a lot scary as I have never used a circular saw, much less a tile saw where I am pushing body parts toward a rapidly-spinning blade).  Bedrock Creations was also kind enough to miter some 45-degree angles on a few edging pieces so I didn’t have that horror to deal with.

I had The Man cut the cement board for me (chickenshit with the spinning blades, remember?).  I glued and secured that shit down (I had to take many, many deep breaths before doing this because I knew that once this happened, I couldn’t stop the project unless I wanted to live with concrete dust throughout the house for the rest of my life), then laid out the tiles so I could mark them for cutting.  Then I had to wait 3 days before I could start tiling (job duties were involved with the delay).

That Sunday, I cranked out the backsplash and field tiles.  Monday after work, I put the edging on.  Tuesday and Wednesday after work were spent laying around with “oh my god oh my god oh my god please don’t let me screw this up” running as a chant in my head.  Thursday, I grouted.  Saturday, I sealed.  This past Sunday, I started installing stainless steel trim on the top of the backsplash and along the bottom of the edging (I totally love that look and I was doing it no matter what anyone said).

I was on vacation this week, but I was so sick of the whole project that I couldn’t bring myself to finish the metal trim until YESTERDAY!  LOL

But damn, don’t it rock?  Ha – rock.  Get it?

Countertops - before

Countertop - after (do you see the bread left of the sink?)

My first baking excursion since the project began was this morning – two more loaves of bread, just to be sure one more time that the recipe worked – because I am at heart a paranoid dork.  A PB&J and patty melt later, I am ready to divulge the goods I alluded to in my last tweet.

This bread recipe has been through the wringer (and probably should go through a few more rounds, but it’s pretty damn good now, in my humble opinion.  I’m thinking of asking it to marry me – The Man won’t mind).  The bread has a thick crust but such a soft, moist interior.  I have to get the second loaf in the freezer, because I am betting the first loaf will be at least half gone by the time I go to bed tomorrow night.

The best thing about this bread (IMHO again) is that it held up to a HUGE sandwich (1/2″ thick with meat, plus lettuce, tomato, cheese….all in all, the sandwich was 3″ tall when I got all my crap on it) without falling apart. Hear that?  No falling apart.  No toasting is necessary.  It’s not all crumbly and nasty.  It has chew.  And oh – did I mention crusty and soft, all at the same time?

Lookit that CRUST!

I recently started doubling the recipe to make 2 loaves at a time (less time dinking around with rising and stuff) and it still works like a charm.

Multi-Grain Bread

Makes one 4×8 loaf

1/2 cup brown rice flour

1/4 cup millet flour

1/3 cup sorghum flour

1/4 cup amaranth flour

1/3 cup cornstarch

2/3 cup tapioca flour

2 tsp xanthan gum

1 tbsp whole millet

2 tbsp oatmeal

1 tbsp flaxseed

If you want to be a little nutty with your bread, you can also add 1 tbsp each unsalted pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds.

2 egg whites

1 1/4 cup warm water

1 tbsp yeast

2 tbsp canola oil

1 tsp kosher salt

1 tbsp dry milk powder

2 tbsp agave nectar

In a large bowl, combine the warm water, yeast, and agave nectar.  Set aside for 10 minutes so the yeast can bloom. In another bowl, combine all dry ingredients.

After the yeast has bloomed, turn the mixer paddle on low and slowly add the dry ingredients, scraping down the sides of the bowl periodically.  Add the oil and egg whites, continuing to beat on low speed.  When the oil and egg are incorporated, increase the mixer speed to medium, add the seeds, and continue to beat for 3 minutes.

While the dough is mixing, grease a 4×8 loaf pan (it works in a larger pan, but you won’t get as much height).  When the 3 minutes are up, pour the dough into the prepared pan.  Place the pan in a warm, safe place to rise for 45 minutes.  DO NOT ALLOW IT TO RISE MUCH LONGER THAN THIS!  I found out the hard way that the bread will end up losing height in the end.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  After rising, place the pan into the center of the oven and bake for 65 minutes.  Remove the bread from the pan within 10 minutes after it comes out of the oven.

I decided yesterday to take advantage of my stuffy nose and stained my little wooden garden enclosure (the smell of stain is nauseating to me) and hit a couple of spots on the deck that had to be skipped last spring because of the growing flowers.  I also tore apart the aquarium, but ran out of juice on that about halfway through.  I suppose I better finish this post and get that done before the fish die from lack of oxygen!

Whenever I feel like crap, instead of going for comfort food, I go for good-for-you stuff.  My appetite is pretty much guaranteed to be non-existent, so if I feel like eating when I have a cold, flu, or something else, I make it count.  Hence yesterday’s breakfast.

I like to eat these with turkey sausage and some fresh fruit.

Multi-Grain Apple Cider Waffles

Makes 12 waffles

1/2 cup brown rice flour

3/4 cup tapioca flour

1/4 cup quinoa flour

2 tbsp amaranth flour

2 tbsp arrowroot starch

2 tsp xanthan gum

1/4 cup gluten-free oats

1/4 cup flaxmeal

1/4 cup rice bran

4 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp kosher salt

2 eggs

2 cups apple cider

1/4 cup safflower oil

1 tsp vanilla

Stir together all dry ingredients in a large bowl.  In a smaller bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients.  Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and stir well, until completely combined.

Preheat a waffle iron.  Spray both sides with cooking spray; scoop the waffle batter by 1/4 cups onto the hot surface and close the lid.  Cook until the steam coming out the sides stops.

I really need to put a different CD or two into the stereo in the kitchen.  I have been listening to so much Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac that I’m amazed I’m not running around in gypsy wear and platform boots.

(STAND BACK!)

I should probably say that I WOULD be running around in gypsy wear and platform boots but (1) I don’t have any gypsy wear; (2) I don’t have any platform boots; and (3) it’s a good thing I don’ t have any platform boots because I would have broken many body parts in the attempt to wear them.  Graceful, I am not.  Particularly in heels that are taller than the length of my foot.  How the hell Stevie bops around in those things, I’ll never know.

(YOU’LL SEE YOUR GYPSY….)

<getting up now to turn off the stereo so I don’t bore anyone with intermittent bursts of song>

The Man skipped off work last Thursday and Friday.  Well, I have to admit that I thought he was skipping, but after my own little experience with this illness, I guess I can say that he wasn’t fakin’ it.

The flu sucks.  Every joint aches.  My allergy meds appear to be keeping my head clear for now (not that this will last), but my chest and throat are miserable – just in time for a big company meeting later this week, naturally.  I love being around my co-workers while sporting a red nose and a box of tissues.

So, yes – I need a little sympathy from somewhere, cuz I sure ain’t getting none here LOL

Between loads of laundry and games of Wii bowling this weekend, I managed to crank out a wonderful cake that used up the cherries from the tree in our backyard.  I actually ate this for dinner last night because I knew it tasted better than anything else I was going to come up with!  I sent half the cake across the street with The Man when he was visiting friends/family and I hear that numerous forks dove in.  Does a heart good, it does.  Even The Man said it was good – and he doesn’t much like cherries (imagine that).  I told him he had no choice but to try it – the fruit was off the tree we’d planted in his mother’s memory.

I came across this Vault recipe while digging through a wad of papers in our spare bedroom, looking for something that I never found and quite frankly, forgot all about after finding the recipe.  I immediately thought of my first tart cherry crop, peacefully and patiently residing in my freezer until I found an appropriate us.

I personally am more of a sweet cherry lover, but this cake is pretty dang good – the cake is moist and sweet and the cherries put just enough pucker in your face that you can feel the back of your jaw tighten, just a bit (you know the feeling I’m talking about).

You know, I bet this would be good for breakfast tomorrow.  There’s only a small slice left, so I guess I better put it where someone won’t eat it on me.

Cherry Upside-Down Cake

Adapted from the Vault

3/4 cup unsalted butter

3/4 cup brown sugar

14 ounces cherries, pitted (original recipe calls for halved also, but I didn’t feel like it)

1/2 cup brown rice flour

1/2 cup tapioca flour

1/4 cup sweet rice flour

1/4 cup cornstarch

1 1/2 tsp xanthan gum

2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp kosher salt

1 cup white sugar

2 large eggs, separated

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup milk (I used skim, but use what you have)

1/4 tsp cream of tartar

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Place 1/4 cup of the butter into a 9″ round cake pan (2″ sides preferred) and place it into the oven to melt; leave the remaining butter on the counter to come to room temperature.

When the butter in the cake pan has melted, remove the pan from the oven.   Use a pastry brush to lightly coat the inside walls of the pan with butter, then carefully stir in the brown sugar; spread the mixture evenly over the bottom of the pan.  Add in the cherries, patting them into an even layer across the brown sugar-butter mixture.

Combine the dry ingredients except white sugar and cream of tartar in a small bowl.  Set aside.  Separate the eggs into yolks and whites.

In a large mixer bowl, blend together the white sugar and remaining 1/2 cup butter until creamy.  Add the yolks one at a time, beating well after each addition.  Beat in the vanilla.

Add the bowl of dry ingredients, alternating with the milk.  I did this  by 1/2 of the dry mix, 1/2 of the milk and it worked well.

In a separate bowl with clean and dry beaters, beat the egg whites and cream of tartar until the whites are stiff, but not dry.  Scoop 1/3 of the beaten whites into the batter (mix ever so lightly to lighten it up a bit), then slowly and gently fold in the remaining whites.

Spoon the batter on top of the cherries in the prepared pan.  Use a rubber spatula to slowly spread the batter evenly out to the edges.  Place the cake in the oven and bake for 55 minutes (cake will be golden brown and toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean).  Remove from the oven and cool on a rack for 15 minutes or so before running a thin knife around the inside edges to loosen the cake from the pan.  Invert on to a platter and allow to cool a little longer before cutting (you know I burned my mouth, right?)

I am going to attempt to upload a new theme in the near future – apologies to everyone if I manage to crash the site!

Since the middle of January, I have been seriously involved in the planning and implementation of a kitchen makeover.  I’ve finally got the “new” room finished to the point that I am willing to share it

It all started on a Wednesday afternoon in early January, while doing my big cook for the boss.  I stuck my fingertips into the groove under the cabinet above my microwave to pop it open…  And snapped the fingernail of my middle finger on my left hand, way down where a nail should NEVER be snapped (because holy sweet mother of God, it hurts).  I should make mention of the fact that this was the third nail I had broken this way in 2 weeks.

That was it.  I knew I would be receiving a settlement soon and had planned on putting laminate flooring down, but the broken fingernail was the final straw.

I never thought I would be the type to play with cabinet knobs and pulls, feeling the weight of each in my hand, testing smoothness.  But I did.  For weeks.  Until I finally found some I really liked that were not priced over the moon.  I found me one of those handy-dandy guides to assist in perfect placement of each knob and pull (not that it played out that way-perfect, I mean).

After I had those on, I looked around my kitchen.  Stainless steel KitchenAid appliances…with a white range hood.  Yick.  So added to the plan with the laminate was a new range hood.  Then I started thinking about sinks.  And faucets.  Being the good displaced Wisconsinite that I am, I naturally chose a Kohler sink and faucet – in stainless steel.

Let’s just say that I ended up going a bit more…shall we say OVERBOARD?…than I had intended.  But I can’t tell you how much a pleasure it is to cook, sit, play with a hairdropper…in a kitchen that actually looks put together.  I haven’t had that since I was still living with the parental figures.  I kept my valances and drapes because (1) I like daisies and (2) Mommy made them for me (LOL).

I should also probably tell you, as I did The Man, that if I.  EVER.  MENTION.  REDOING.  ANOTHER.  ROOM.  IN.  THE.  NEXT.  FIVE.  YEARS.  SOMEONE.  SLAP.  ME.  UP.

Except hard-plumbing the dishwasher, replacing the sink/faucet/range hood, and laying the floor, I did everything myself (with the occasional assistance of 2 friends-thanks to “2 chicks with a chainsaw” [they know who they are]).

So here’s the before.  I lived with this exact placement (except the countertop stuff because I was always moving that shit around to compensate for hating my cooking space) for the last five years.  The first shot is of the kitchen, taken from behind the dining room table.  The second is the dining room, taken from the back door.

<shudder>

<shuddering again>

It’s amazing what a slightly different shade of color can do.  And some other shit, too.  I really, really, really wanted to get two of the blue ostrich 20×72 Gel Pro mats, but I ran out of money.  So I’m stuck with two cheapie rinky-dink foam jobs from Walmart.

The unveiling:

It’s been pretty damn cold this week.

Cold enough that:

1. Every joint in my body is protesting…loudly and often.  My knees, ankles and elbows crack with nearly every movement.
2. I remember exactly why I hate winter.  It’s cold, it’s snowy, it’s icy, and someday I am going to move to Arizona.
3. The garage door ceased to function correctly Thursday morning.  The cold had somehow affected the sensors and the door would not go down & stay down, nor did any of the remotes (the one built into my SUV, the remote that came with the opener that resides in The Man’s car, & the wireless remote attached to the outside of the garage) operate the system.  I had to stay home from work because there is no way in hell I am leaving my house unattended with the garage door wide open (you can walk through the garage right into my house!).
4. The Gidge had to be dressed in a sweater, a coat, 1 layer of baby booties & 1 layer of dog boots in order to be willing to go outside.

I ended up staying home again Friday, but this time it was because our water was frozen at the office.  I had gone to the chiropractor at 7:30 and returned home to several voice mails basically telling me to just stay home.  Which was really flipping awesome, because I got a ton of work done over the 2 days.  Stuff that’s difficult to do when answering the phone every 30 seconds.

I wanted something warm and sweet to go with my daily chai tea latte but didn’t have anything in the fridge or freezer that would do.  I wanted something kind of healthy because damn it, I am up to 130 pounds (I bet that’s a big reason why the joints are aching, actually) due to living on junk.  It’s time to fix that little issue.

Well, the kitchen was a little chilly, too.  Running the oven wasn’t such a bad idea.

I took a Vault recipe and tweaked the heck out of it to get what I wanted.  I would have to call this one a success.

Good lord, I really need to pull out that lighting kit for the camera, don’t I?

Apple Pecan Muffins

3/4 cup brown rice flour

1/4 cup arrowroot starch

1/4 cup teff flour

1/4 cup buckwheat flour

1/2 cup tapioca flour

2 tsp xanthan gum

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp kosher salt

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp cardamom

1/2 cup chopped pecans

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup saffllower oil

2 eggs

1 cup unsweetened applesauce

1 tsp vanilla

3/4 cup buttermilk

2 small apples (peeled, cored & finely diced)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Line a 12-muffin tin with paper liners.

In a large bowl, whisk together the brown rice flour, arrowroot starch, teff flour, buckwheat flour, tapioca flour, xanthan gum, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and cardamom.  Stir in the pecans.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the brown sugar, eggs, safflower oil, applesauce, vanilla, and buttermilk until blended.  Add the diced apples.

Pour the wet ingredients into the flour mix.  Stir until completely combined.

Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin tin and bake for 20 minutes (or until a toothpick comes out clean).  Remove from the pan and allow to cool before diving in.

The Stepson and I have spent the weekend rotting our brains on our respective Xbox 360s.  During the madness and mayhem we enjoyed, I managed to convert another Vault recipe to be gluten-free and tantalize my tastebuds in the process.

(I also managed to play Guitar Hero for the first time in my life.  It wasn’t pretty.)

Actually it would be two recipes, one playing off the other.  The second recipe is one I’ve had since a college road trip to my friend’s home just a stone’s throw from the Wisconsin-Michigan UP border.  Her mom made the french toast recipe for me then and oh my god is it good.  I hadn’t made it since I moved to Illinois over 10 years ago, until about a month ago when I whipped up the gluten version for The Stepson.  The problem with making stuff you haven’t made in eons is that you then crave the hell out of it until you eat it yourself.

The first recipe becomes a huge player in the second (if that makes any sense) and the first loaf I made (yesterday) was devoured by the gluten-eaters in less than two hours.

Cinnamon Raisin Bread

Adapted from the Vault

For the bread:

1/2 cup buttermilk

1/3 cup warm water (110 to 115 degrees)

1 tbsp active dry yeast

1 egg

1/3 cup + 1 tbsp sugar

3/4 tsp kosher salt

1/4 cup softened butter

2/3 cup raisins (if yours are a bit more dried out than usual, soak them in hot water for a few minutes before adding)

1 1/3 cups brown rice flour

1/3 cup millet flour

2/3 cup tapioca flour

1/3 cup potato starch

1 tbsp xanthan gum

For the filling:

1 tbsp buttermilk

1/3 cup sugar

1 tbsp cinnamon

Pour the 1/2 cup buttermilk into a measuring cup and let stand at room temperature for 15 minutes before starting to give it a chance to warm up a bit.  Take your egg out of the fridge too.

Place the yeast, 1 tbsp sugar and warm water in the bowl of  a stand mixer.  Allow to sit for 10 minutes.

In a medium bowl, sift together the brown rice flour, millet flour, tapioca flour, potato starch, and xanthan gum.  Set aside.

After waiting the 5 minutes or so for your yeast to get all bubbly, add the buttermilk, egg, butter, salt, 1/3 cup sugar, and raisins.  Mix on low speed for a couple of minutes.  Gradually add the flour mixture.  After all of the flour is incorporated, increase the mixer speed to medium and continue to beat for 3 minutes.

Spray a 2-foot piece of plastic wrap with cooking spray.  Pour the dough onto the wrap.  Lightly spray your hands with the cooking spray and then use them to press the dough into a rectangle about 8 inches wide and 2″ long.  Brush 1 tbsp buttermilk over the dough.

In a small bowl, combine the remaining 1/3 cup sugar and the cinnamon.  Sprinkle liberally over the dough (use it all or you’ll miss something special!).

Using the plastic wrap the dough is sitting on, roll the dough jelly-roll style beginning at one of the narrow sides until you have a big loaf (think cinnamon rolls when rolling it up). Make sure you press down on the dough every “roll” so you don’t end up with pockets.  Tuck the ends as best you can.  You should have a loaf about 3 inches wide.

Lightly coat a loaf pan with cooking spray, then gently pick up the loaf and place it in the prepared pan.  Cover with plastic wrap and set in a warm place to rise for 60 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees; bake the bread for 45 to 50 minutes (I stick a skewer in to see if it’s done all the way through).  Remove from the oven and place on a baking rack for 10 minutes before removing the bread from the pan.  Allow to cool completely before slicing.

And now, for the piece de resistance…

Caramel Apple French Toast

Adapted from The Vault

6 tbsp butter

2/3 cup brown sugar

4 apples, peeled and thinly sliced

3 eggs

2/3 cup milk

1 recipe Cinnamon Raisin Bread (above)

1/2 cup chopped walnuts, pecans, or whatever you like (optional-I skipped it this go-round because my men don’t eat them)

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.  Melt the butter in a small saucepan; add the brown sugar and stir until combined.  Pour the ‘caramel’ onto a jelly roll pan and spread evenly.  Sprinkle the nuts (if desired) and then layer the sliced apples over the top.

Slice the cinnamon raisin bread into 12 slices, if you haven’t already cut it.

In a bowl, whisk together the eggs and milk.  Dip each bread slice into the egg mixture and then lay it on top of the apples in the jelly roll pan (start in one corner and work out).  Continue to dip and place the bread slices snuggly against each other until all pieces have been used.

Bake for 20 minutes.  When serving, flip the french toast slices over so the apples and caramel are on top.