It’s Just Not Dinner Without Cat Hair

Yes, I still exist.  Thank you to those who sent concerned emails.   Work has had me tied to my office desk for more than 12 hours a day, several days a week, in order to keep my head above water while working on big projects.  Add to that the Haunted Barn, which opened the last weekend of September, and you have madness and mayhem at Just Not Dinner.  Well, more madness and mayhem than usual.

The Man is supposed to begin working third shift tomorrow night.  Am I happy about this?  Well, let’s just say that nothing would really change, anyway, so why the heck not.

I have finished quite a few….or two…recipes that I am totally in love with.  The first one is below.  I have been eating variations of this muffin every day for breakfast since the middle of September (I will indicate variations in the recipe).  The house smells incredible while they bake and I have begun a little ritual with The Gidge - while these muffins are in the oven doing their thing, we dance around the kitchen to the tunes blaring out of the XM radio’s 80s channel.

Must create new traditions as the hairdropper I used to dance with now exists only in my heart.

I have been unable to watch the slideshow I created for Sylvester since the night I created and uploaded it.  In fact, since that night, my Windows Media Player has decided to shoot craps and I have to figure out why it doesn’t run.  But that’s not why I don’t watch those excellent memories.  I have created a little “Vester’s Corner” in the living room, with favorite photos, a poem about the Rainbow Bridge, and this poem.  When I can find a black corner shelf I like, I will put that up above the pictures and put his urn on it.

Sigh.  My heart still hurts daily.

But I have muffins.  Pumpkin apple muffins.  You can’t get much more “fall” than this.  In the photo, you see tonight’s batch.  This time around, I added the flaxseed meal and raisins but skipped the walnuts.

Pumpkin Apple Muffins

From the Vault

1/2 cup brown rice flour

1/4 cup amaranth flour

1/2 cup tapioca flour

1 1/4 tsp xanthan gum

2 tbsp flaxseed meal (optional - if used, add 1/4 cup water to liquid ingredients)

1 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

3/4 tsp baking powder

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup canned pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie filling, please)

1/4 cup canola oil

1 egg

1/2 cup peeled & grated apple

1/2 cup raisins (optional)

1/4 cup walnuts (optional)

Raw sugar

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Line 9 muffin cups with paper liners.

In a medium bowl, sift together the brown rice flour, amaranth flour, tapioca flour, xanthan gum, pumpkin pie spice, and baking powder.  Stir in the flaxseed meal, if using.

In a large bowl, whisk together the sugar, pumpkin, canola oil, and egg (and water if using flaxseed meal).  Add the apples, raisins and walnuts (if using).

Add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients and stir just until moistened.  Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin pan.  Top with sprinkles of raw sugar.  Bake about 30 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

I intend to talk about food in a moment, really.

I want to say thank you with all my heart to those of you that left comments and sent emails over the past week.

We have an empty space here at Just Not Dinner.  For the most part, The Gidge and Baby have been normal, but that changed over the last two days.  I was awakened by Baby on Thursday morning - he was standing on my pillow, pawing at the pillowcase, and yowling to beat the band (remember that my hair was Sylvester’s sleeping spot his whole life).  He has taken to lounging for long periods in the top of Sylvester’s cat tree in our bedroom; Baby HATES this cat tree because there’s an opening in the top bed and he has never spent any major amount of time in it.  He also makes a point of calling Sylvester (loudly) at feeding time.  Gidget has done something strange as well - we have a green cat tree in our living room that is shaped like a house at the bottom and has a ledge for chillin’ at the top.  Sylvester spent a lot of time in the house part of this tree.  The other night, Gidget worked her way into the house, turned around, and laid there with her chin on her paws.

And me?

I cry a minimum of twice a day.  I can’t do anything “normal” without thinking of my sweet pea, even something as simple as blowdrying my hair, as I had to do this morning.  I am struggling with a tremendous amount of guilt, even though I know I did the right thing at the right time.  I have no appetite and have lost nearly 10 pounds since the Sunday that Sylvester got sick.  I can’t look at the video I made last week Friday without.  As long as I am keeping my brain busy in one way or another, I am fine.  As soon as I have an opportunity to think or have to do something that he would have involved himself in, it’s over.

The Man and I intend to create a memorial garden of sorts, not just for Vester, but also for The Man’s parents.  I have ordered a necklace from Whispers in the Heart so I can put some of his fur in it and while I am carrying his collar on my purse strap right now, when his ashes arrive, the collar will go around the urn.

I am sure I will babble on about my sweet boy quite a bit over the next while, so please be patient with me.

Now.

Yesterday, I finally managed to eat twice in one day.  Today, three meals.  Can you believe it?  I’m not sure I do.

Since I started this blog two years ago in October, I have gotten samples from various companies, receiving books, rice, bread, and most recently gluten-free teriyaki sauce fron Seal Sama.  I stashed one bottle on my pantry shelves in the basement and the other went into my kitchen cabinet.  Numerous things happened to distract me from trying it.  I was half-heartedly debating the possibility of making myself something for dinner tonight and was pushing through my cabinets looking for something - anything - that looked appealing.  I found some jade pearl rice from Lotus Foods, received as a sample and completely forgotten about, and the teriyaki.  Some green beans from my garden steamed with tomatoes, shallots, garlic, and fresh basil, and I had dinner.  I actually felt hungry as I was cooking.

I grabbed a piece of salmon from the freezer, quickly defrosted it most of the way, and then placed it into a plastic bag with a good half cup of the teriyaki sauce.  Into the fridge it went to marinate while I prepared the rice.  After a half hour, I heated the oven to 400 degrees, popped the salmon in, and got to work on the beans.  Very shortly I had a pretty good meal.

Verdict?  I like my teriyaki sauce a little sweeter, but this really is quite good.  And the rice was slightly sweet, which went well with the salmon.  And my greenie beanies were terrific, too.

Would I buy Seal Sama’s gluten-free teriyaki sauce?  Absolutely.  How about Lotus Food’s jade pearl rice?  Damn straight.

Now.  What exactly has been going on around here?  A plethora of bad things.  First bad thing: The Man did something….well, the only word I can come up with is “stupid”…which I believe led to losing his job at the end of May.  Second bad thing: I found out about some money things that I didn’t know about before.  Third bad thing: Vester.  Fourth bad thing: Sewer back-up.

Other than Vester, all of these issues (and I am sure there are more, but all are overshadowed in my mind by my loss of my best buddy) are no more.  The Man starts his new job on Monday - and while he won’t be making the money he made before, he will be HAPPY - no more 24/7/365 on-call status.  I truly believe that the industry he was in before led to other…issues…for him that have essentially been non-existent since he lost his job.  So everyone applaud for The Man, who will hopefully now have a less stressful work environment.

And applaud for my 88-year-old maternal grandfather, who underwent hip replacement surgery on Thursday and has been yelled at by his doctors and nurses for getting up and walking on his own.

So while we continue to reel from the emotional battering we have received these past months, good things are still popping up.

Recipes coming soon, I promise.

No more pain, Sweet Pea.   Momma loves you forever & knows that Nana J is taking good care of you.

But oh, the pain for me.

Thanks to Dr. Buchanan, Dr. Mullan, and the staff at Mallard Point Veterinary Clinic in Minooka and the Animal Care Center in Plainfield for making Sylvester’s last days as comfortable as possible.

Sylvester took a turn for the worse last night.  I was up all night again, making sure he was going to make it until I could get him to the vet this morning.  The vet is going to run more blood work, do an x-ray, and give him iv fluids for the day, but he believes that whatever Vester has going on is neurological and wants to refer us to a neurologist.

And we’re currently a one-income home, barely scraping by.

I have a decision to make, and I know it.  And it’s killing me.  I am holding on to the hope that it’s not neurological and that magic pills are going to make it all better.  But I am walking around the house is a daze, crying my eyes out, because he’s sick and I may not be able to make it all better.

He trusts me more than he trusts anyone and has slept by my side (or in my hair) for 9 years.  That’s only 52 in human years, I guess.  He’s still got a lot of life left to live, if only.

If only.

My little sweet pea, Sylvester, is currently ensconced in a cage at the local vet. He’s been a little off the last couple of days, but that’s not unusual with the recent heat. He tends to lay around when it’s really hot.

Every other day of his existence in our home, he has run up and squeaked like crazy as soon as he figured out that the feeding is about to commence. This morning, there was no sign of him. The Man found him under our bed, so he got him out and put him up by the food dishes.

He laid down.

I picked him up, realized that he was drooling. I put him back down on all 4 paws, realized he was shaking.

So he’s at the vet. They wanted to sedate him to figure out what’s going on in his mouth since he’s got his jaw clenched so tight we couldn’t get his mouth open. We did X-rays first, but they didn’t show anything wrong. The vet palpated every inch of his body and didn’t feel anything unusual, so we’re hoping that whatever it is is simple and easily fixed.

Really hoping, since we’re already up to a $400 tab. When you’re down to one income, every extra expense hurts like hell.

So pray for my little man, that he’s done something stupid like try to eat a toothpick, so his momma can breathe again. My animals are my children, and knowing that my baby is sick is killing me.

Sometimes, I get home from work and all I want to do is vegetate on the couch for an hour or two before starting dinner.  Today was one of those days.

I sat down with a book and The Gidge and slowly began to decompress from a trying day at the office.  By the time I decided I was hungry, it was too late to make anything fresh.  And not because of the time of day.

A sleepy Sylvester took over my cutting board.  I just didn’t have the heart to boot him off.

It’s a good thing I had Cool Ranch Doritos and Jelly Bellys in the house.

It could happen to you, so don’t laugh.